STEVE ULLOM

Accidental Acolyte (Flash Fiction) The sun transformed her from shadowy figure moving through leaves to bright tourist as she left the woods. Jeans, cream top, and blue hair dazzled in the bright light as Blue Rose looked at Yogi, walking over to him slowly. She smiled down at him as he sat with old man knobby knees poking out of shorts nearly up to his chest. His hand held an amateur rolled cigarette, unlit. “C’mon,” he smiled over his goatee, the sun making him squint, his head holding just enough blond hair for the wind to whip strands across his weathered cheeks. She shook her head, mostly at herself. “Just one.” She only knew him from a few chance encounters like this, and eventually she knew she’d give in. He laughed, shaking his finger at her. “You can’t stop at one. Don’t you know that one puff will hook you into everything monstrous ever invented or found growing?” “I’ll manage, somehow,” her voice croaked like a raven’s, though she wished it were a bluebird’s. “Sorry. I need some water, too, I guess.” She sat down as he moved his haunches to the side of the step. Her hand finally grabbed the proffered little bundle. It was at her lips as he clicked the lighter. “Did you see God?” Through a held breath she asked, “What?” “Did you see God, in my little woods?” She laughed, expelling a breath visible with the outlines of hazy blue smoke. “God is in your little woods?” “Could be, right? There’s a lot more in there than we see.” “Sure. As they say, with god all things are possible.” She passed the cigarette back to him and he inhaled wheezily. Out of some odd respect, she waited till he was done. “Why would god be in your woods, Yogi?” “It’s where he comes to rest. It’s an out of the way place and hardly anyone goes into it. Down by that little pond, that would be where he sits most of the time, just chillin’, admiring his – or her, pardon – handiwork.” “The little pond with all the seeds blowing in the air, the sun catching them and making them seem alive like fairies?” “Yep, and all the little froggies jumping in the water when they hear your big elephant feet stompin’ on the path towards ‘em. I bet they dive in like some Esther Williams routine.” “I beg your pardon? I don’t have big elephant feet!” Blue Rose barely kept laughter from her mock indignation. “Yeah, but it don’t take much for them to get spooked and push into the pond, do it? I think if we tried to sneak up on ‘em slow, wearing our softest slippers, they’d still figure it out and launch themselves helter skelter, hair on fire into the pond.” He handed the cigarette back to her. “Can god sneak up on ‘em?” She drew in smoke, held it, looking at Yogi. “Shit. That’s a good one, Blue. I never thought of that, before. He’d have to like float just above the path, now, wouldn’t he? Or she. Sorry. Anyhow, I suppose that god could find a way to sneak up on the pond, not just the frogs but the fairies, sneak up before they disguise themselves as seeds floating on the breeze. They don’t fool me, see.” “Well, at any rate, I didn’t see her. Or him. God, that is. But it was a wonderful walk and just what I needed. Did you wait here for me all day? Or was it just happenstance that brought you to your stoop, to be here when I came out?” “Pfft! Heard those big elephant feet of yours stompin’ on the trail a mile away, had plenty of time to pee, roll a cig, and settle in out here. Nice day for sitting, anyways.” “Yogi, that hurts my feelings, saying I have big elephant feet!” “Body positivity, dear. Don’t fight it.” He took back the cigarette, blew out smoke. “Anyhow, there’s nights I’m certain he – or she,” Yogi looked sideways at Blue, “is in there. There’s just a feeling to the woods, you know. A deep contemplation and satisfaction to the place, a sense of hiddenness and rightness. And well, the woods has that feeling today. So I thought you’d probably run into him or her in there. Unless your stomping around caused God himself to jump into the pond to hide. Sitting on the bottom in the muck holding its breath until you left.” She hit him on the shoulder. They talked longer, the afternoon sun setting into the evening ridge line, and shadows now groped their way towards the two still sitting on the stoop but they seemed hesitant or unable to bridge the last few feet. A cool breeze took the used snippets of conversation one way, then another. Finally, Blue Rose put a kiss on Yogi’s forehead, stood up, and walked to her car. “See you next week, Yogi,” she called over her shoulder. “Yep. Take care, dear. Take care.” He lit another cigarette and watched her drive away, then looked at the woods, now hard to see very far into, the shadows mixing with the tree trunks and leaves, the night sounds and quiet replacing the birds. He frowned and cocked his head. “Huh,” he said to no one. “I don’t feel God in there anymore, but definitely god was there earlier. I guess she is a she.” Yogi looked down the empty road and smiled.